But that meant inflicting undeserved pain on others. I’ve never felt so horrible in my life.” Who’s the powerhouse NOW, Beka? This time, her anger was not tinged by sorrow; she was furious.On a sticky Sunday in August, when Josh and Beka’s children were staying with his mother, he asked her for a divorce. Then she grew so angry that she shook.“I could handle her anger,” he said. It’s unthinkable for me to dismantle all we’ve built. After hours of shouting, however, she began to feel better than she had since Josh first mentioned divorce. ” I didn’t see how a dinner could be pulled off without the whole thing erupting in open conflict or stalling into awkward silence. “I had to meet you,” Beka said as she opened the door.But I was wrestling with shame as I realized how many of my spectacularly bad decisions had been influenced by mental illness.I had to learn how to trust others and myself, and at times it felt like I would never get there. “I am married to a wonderful, successful, beautiful woman,” he said. But I’m not, so I have decided that I am not going to calculate anymore.” As we spent more time together, everything about our relationship felt natural.
It isn’t my place to ask such a thing, and ultimately it doesn’t matter.
She invited me to birthday parties and smoothed the socially turbulent waters by introducing me to friends who had been indignant on her behalf.
Afterward, we giggled at the shocked faces people made when they met me.
“It makes more sense for the divorce to be about another woman,” he said. “Josh wants you to meet our girls, but I need to get to know you first.” Her smile seemed genuine, her eyes kind.
“Many of our friends are going through divorces for the same reason. She was small and beautiful, somehow elegant in casual shorts.