When you or a partner want or need to slow things down, they to slow down, no ifs, ands or buts about it.So, put whatever your limits are out there firmly and clearly, whether they're about not wanting to do certain sexual activities yet (or ever), not wanting to do them without certain things you need in place (like contraception, safer sex, physical safety, private space, more trust built, more time together, whatever it is), or about just needing for all kinds of sex to be taken off the table, period.Just because something felt right once, or in one situation, doesn't mean it feels right now or always will in every situation.And sometimes what felt like the right pace for a while can later feel way too fast in hindsight.
But that's just not true: just because we've done something once sexually never means we have to do it again or always have to do it.Unless a relationship is only a sexual relationship, and nothing else, or a sexual experience is a one-time fling, sex is just one part of your relationship.The other parts not only usually have a whole lot to do with what's going on sexually, they need just as much time, attention and energy as the sexual aspect does.If things are moving too fast for a partner, if they don't tell you, or you just assume that your pace is the right one for both of you, you might not even know the pace isn't right for them. You need to say something very directly and set very clear limits with your words.Okay, so you know things have been moving too fast. How do you pull back the reins and slow it all down? When you do talk about it, don't pussyfoot with maybes.